


Fallen Angel

by Semi_problematic



Series: Kisses Can't Fix Scars [1]
Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: Childhood Sexual Abuse, M/M, idk I'm coping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-20
Updated: 2017-03-20
Packaged: 2018-10-08 10:18:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10384449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Semi_problematic/pseuds/Semi_problematic
Summary: Philip needs to tell Lukas something.~This is just me coping with my abuse tbh





	

"Lukas?" 

Lukas glanced at Philip, his arm tightening around him. "Hm?"

"Can.." Philip looked down at his hands, taking a deep breath. "Can I tell you something?" 

Lukas nodded slowly. Philip didn't normally get this nervous, they were open with each other but this was a new side of Philip and Lukas couldn't lie, he was getting a little worried.

"Um, yeah, of course." He kissed Philips head, his thumb rubbing Philips arm. "You know that."

Philip kept his eyes on the ground, his hands folded in his lap. He twiddled this thumbs, chewing on his lower lip. "Nevermind." 

"Philip.." Luke's mumbled, kissing his temple. "Go on, you know you can trust me.. I love you."

"You'll think I'm a freak." Philips voice cracked and Lukas' heart broke.

Whatever Philip wanted to tell him was big and it scared him, but when he came out he promised himself he'd stay with Philip through thick and thin because that's what you do when you're in love. So he spoke again.

Lukas poked Philips side, hoping to earn a smile. It didn't but he didn't stop trying. "I already think you are.." his voice lowered, pulling Philip closer. "But you can talk to me, I swear.." he kept his eyes on Philip. "And I promise, whatever it is, it won't make me think you're any weirder than you already are." 

Philip laughed, it was forced and Lukas hated it, but he didn't show Philip that. 

"You promise?" Philip asked, looking up at Lukas with tear filled eyes.

Lukas couldn't believe Philip could look beautiful while sad. Was that bad of him to think? His boyfriend was just never ugly, but as beautiful as his boyfriend looked, his heart was breaking more and more every second he looked at Philip and his teary eyes.

"I promise." Lukas replied, kissing Philips forehead, and in a way, it sort of sealed the deal. That's what they did now, kiss every time they promise something.

Philip nodded, sitting up, pulling himself away from Lukas' side. The way he did it seemed almost painful, like their bodies were sown together and they were ripped apart. He wiped his eyes, pulling his knees to his chest.  
Lukas sat up straighter, putting his hands behind himself, holding himself up. He watched Philip, the way the smaller boys body shook. They both knew Philip was crying but neither would admit it. Philip didn't cry in front of Lukas, not since Anne had died, and it had been months. So neither of them addressed it, neither of them talked about how Philips body was shaking and how his breath was short, and neither of them talked about the small, pained sounds he made.

So it was silent, minus the harsh breaths.

Until Philip spoke.

"Growing up, my mom always had this one boyfriend. His name was.. Todd." Philip buried his face in his knees, taking another breath. "They were on and off for years. Every time Todd left my mom would get a new boyfriend and every time Todd came back she would dump them.." He let out a small whimper. "It was always Todd." 

Lukas nodded, scooting towards Philip, his knee brushing against Philips back. Philip flinched away from his touch and it broke Lukas even more. He put an arm around Philip, pulling him into a hug. 

Philip peeked out, looking up at Lukas, his eyes red. "He'd been around since I was little. I thought he was my dad for a while.." he let out a dry laugh. "This is stupid, I shouldn't be crying." He sat up, wiping his eyes.

Lukas rubbed his back, shaking his head. "No, it's not.. you can keep going.. it's okay." He knew it sounded stupid but he didn't know what to say. He wanted to help Philip but where would be begin? The boy had experienced so much and Lukas had no idea how he could even begin to understand how Philip felt. He kissed Philips head, pulling him into a hug. "I'm here." 

Philip nodded, hiding his face again. "My mom would go out sometimes, with friends, or to get high, he tried to hide it from me growing up, but I found out.." he took a shaky breath. "Anyway, I was alone with Todd.. a lot." He let out a small sob and Lukas held him even tighter. 

Lukas bit his lip, pressing his face to Philips back. "You're okay.. I'm right here.." he rubbed Philips arms, kissing his back.

Philip sat up, wiping his eyes again, sniffling. "I.. I love him, you know? He was like, my dad. He bought me things when I needed them, he watched movies with me, he fed me.. it was good." 

"Philip, it obviously wasn't good if you're crying.." he kissed his head. "What happened?" 

Philip shook his head, sobbing louder. "I thought it was normal.." he whimpered, turning his head, burying it in Lukas' chest. 

Lukas stomach twisted. Horrible thoughts and ideas of what happened raced through his mind, each one worse than the one before."What happened?" He whispered.

Philip shook his head, sobbing. "I'm such an idiot."

Lukas pulled away, cupping Philips cheeks, wiping his eyes. "Philip, whatever happened wasn't your fault, you gotta stop blaming yourself, okay?" 

Philip nodded, blinking away the tears in his eyes and pulling away from Lukas. He buried his face in his hands, taking a few deep breaths. "He'd touch me."

Lukas' blood ran cold then filled with heat. "What?" 

Philip shook his head, keeping his face hidden. "I didn't know it was wrong." He sobbed, moving even further away. 

Lukas reached out, running his fingers through Philips hair, getting on his knees. "Whatever it was, you didn't do anything wrong." He pulled Philip into his chest. 

Philip nodded, wrapping his arms around Lukas' neck, just crying.

The five minutes it took for Philip to calm down were the longest five minutes of Lukas' life. The thoughts rushing through his mind hadn't calmed down. Hundreds of terrifying scenarios playing over and over in his head. When Philip started to talk again Lukas couldn't help but feel relief wash over him, only for it to be followed by the drowning of guilt.

"The first time I remember it happening I was four. He would sleep with me and just put his hand in my pants and touch me. I thought it was normal, I thought everyone did it." His voice cracked. "It went on for years. Every single night he'd come into my room and lay with me and touch me." He wiped at his eyes roughly, like he was mad at them for letting the tears slip out. "He'd shower with me and he'd get me dressed." He shook his head, burying his face in Lukas' neck. "I didn't know it was wrong until I was ten." 

Lukas was fuming. He wanted nothing more than to grab his shotgun and run out and find the sick fuck that touched his boyfriend and end him. But he didn't. He wrapped his arms even tighter around Philip and kissed his head. "It wasn't your fault. You didn't do anything wrong."

"I should've fought back. I should've told. I should've fucking told." He whispered, tugging at his hair.

Lukas guided Philips hands away from his head and pulled Philip into his lap. "You said you didn't know it was wrong and even if you would've known it's still his fault. That man is a sick fucking freak and he should've known not to touch a kid."

Philip bit his lip, sniffling. "When I found out it was wrong I still didn't stop him."

When Lukas was silent Philip kept talking.

"I didn't like it but I didn't think anyone would believe me. I was ten when I figured it out and it'd been happening for years. It is my fault." He whimpered, pulling his knees back to his chest. "But it stopped when I was 12. Then he'd just slap my ass and tell me him and his friends wanted to have sex with me.. but then when I was 15, he found out I was gay he kept me home from school and touched me for days and then he tried to rape me." He sobbed again, burying his face even deeper in his arms. "And he tried to rape me."

"He tried to what?" Lukas snapped, watching Philip. Philip whimpered, flinching at the sudden loud voice Lukas spoke with. He wrapped his arms around Philip, kissing his head and mumbling a small sorry.

"I started screaming and he stopped. And that was the end of it. Or I thought it was. He tried to do stuff again when I was 16, but then I threatened to tell and he left. And that was that. But he left all of his drugs there and then called the cops and reported us." He sniffled, peeking out from his arms. "And that's how I ended up here."

Lukas nodded, holding Philip close, kissing his arm. "You're so strong, you know? Like, you're a full blown badass." 

Philip let out a small laugh, wiping his eyes. "No, I'm not, I'm sitting here sobbing over a dumb thing."

"It's not dumb. Not at all. God knows how I would've handled that. You're so strong, babe, you've been through so much." He kissed Philips cheek. "And like you told me.. crying doesn't make you weak."

Philip smiled and this time it was real. He wrapped his arms around Lukas, squeezing him as tight as he could. It was painful for Lukas, but he didn't mind. Philip needed this. And Lukas needed Philip. So this was okay.

Lukas pulled Philip into his lap, rubbing Philips back, kissing all over his face. 

Philip pressed his face to Lukas' neck, closing his eyes, calming his breathing. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For being there."

Lukas smiled, kissing Philips hair. "Yeah, well, you're my angel, do its just what I do."

"You're an idiot."

"And you're a badass." Lukas smiled, his smile turning into a grin when he felt Philip smile against his skin. "And I love you."

Philip put his hand over Lukas' chest, right over where he was shot. "I love you.. and you're a badass too."


End file.
